today, i thought of a great idea for a new form of torture.
induce a hangover somehow (maybe intravenous vodka, since that's apparently what i went for last night) then lock the victim in a room filled with items of every shape, size, and material imaginable. the victim must wrap each gift without it looking like a psychotic wolf did the job (in other words, make it pretty).
hey, here's a great idea. let's mix up approximately 48967 pounds of frosting and tweak it with food coloring until it is so flawless that bob ross would be proud to lovingly dabble in it on his palatte. let's do this by instructing a 3 year old and a 5 year old to either "add a liiiiittle more color in" or "oops, too much- better add some white back in," because that's obviously the most productive way to get the job done. next, let's slap the aforementioned frosting onto cookies shaped like stars, santas, trees, and ornaments until granny has a satisfactory collection of terrible tasting yet festive cookies to push on people who don't want them. except pop...he wants them.
this just in: i want to die.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
Seen & Heard
The best things I've seen lately:
1.) A dog (boxer, I think), wearing a heavy gangsta chain and a fur coat (isn't that redundant?)
2.) 2 great Halloween couples costumes-
*Ron Burgandy (sans pants) & Veronic Corningstone (complete with the perfect silk blouse & skirt suit)
*Beyonce (adorable dog) & Backup Dancer (hilarious owner)
3.) First disk of the second season of "How I Met Your Mother" (I like this show more and more with every episode...in fact, I think it may creep its way into my FB "favorite TV shows" section by the end of season 2)
4.) The beginning of fall in NYC- this city is meant to be experienced right now. If you don't know what I'm talking about, GET HERE.
5.) A paraplegic finishing the NYC Marathon. He had one prosthesis acting for both of his legs, plus crutches. For. Twenty. Six. Miles. I followed him for 2 blocks, cheering & tearing. Needless to say, I started running again last week.
The best things I've heard lately:
1.) "So...you come here for the Yankees game, or just to show off your bangs?"
-Some dude (to me), while I was waiting by myself at a bar for someone
2.) "You are SEVERELY smart."
-Some chick, accusing the guy she was walking with of being intelligent.
3.) Taylor Swift. Yeah, I said it.
1.) A dog (boxer, I think), wearing a heavy gangsta chain and a fur coat (isn't that redundant?)
2.) 2 great Halloween couples costumes-
*Ron Burgandy (sans pants) & Veronic Corningstone (complete with the perfect silk blouse & skirt suit)
*Beyonce (adorable dog) & Backup Dancer (hilarious owner)
3.) First disk of the second season of "How I Met Your Mother" (I like this show more and more with every episode...in fact, I think it may creep its way into my FB "favorite TV shows" section by the end of season 2)
4.) The beginning of fall in NYC- this city is meant to be experienced right now. If you don't know what I'm talking about, GET HERE.
5.) A paraplegic finishing the NYC Marathon. He had one prosthesis acting for both of his legs, plus crutches. For. Twenty. Six. Miles. I followed him for 2 blocks, cheering & tearing. Needless to say, I started running again last week.
The best things I've heard lately:
1.) "So...you come here for the Yankees game, or just to show off your bangs?"
-Some dude (to me), while I was waiting by myself at a bar for someone
2.) "You are SEVERELY smart."
-Some chick, accusing the guy she was walking with of being intelligent.
3.) Taylor Swift. Yeah, I said it.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Current Issues
a.) This semester, I have to take a class called "Current Issues" which is essentially an overview of key aspects of the professional world that we'll be faced with once we're real, live speech pathologists (next year- yikes). At first, I was kind of disgruntled about the whole thing...some of the topics are pretty dry and it's one of those classes during which time just draaaaaags. I mean, we talked about infection control last week & today the stars were documentation and reimbursement...snore. BUT, I've been thinking about how valuable this stuff really is- I honestly didn't know squat about insurance billing & it's oddly interesting to think about the part I'll play in the coverage of patients' rehabilitation services.
Also, my teacher mentioned that it's becoming more common for emergency room teams to include speech pathologists (if you are curious about what an SLP would do in an E.R., ask- I won't bore you with it on here). This is of huge interest to me- growing up, I always pictured myself being a doctor like my dad and his E.R. stories always seemed so fascinating to me. That dream died out when I found out I was allergic to chemistry and physics- and therefore med school- the strangest thing, really. So, I'm thrilled that I've found something I'm good at & passionate about that can be practiced in a hospital setting (nutshell: I'm interested in working with patients with brain injury) & even more stoked that there's a chance I could someday be a part of an E.R. team. This is the stuff, kids!
b.) I have a lot of work to do tonight on this pain-in-the-A project. So, I went to the store for some snackers! I realized something hilarious though, and I think this applies to most women. I have a few foods that I never let myself buy (let's use cereal as an example), not because they're bad for me- I'd be perfectly fine (thrilled, really) with having *a* bowl of cereal as a snack- but because I CANNOT have *a* bowl of cereal. I have to have 79. I can also just eat the entire box dry without even knowing I'm chewing. There are just some foods on which I cannot implement portion control...and therefore, I don't buy. Do we ever see guys doing this? NO. They're like, "Yeah, I need to go get some more frozen pizzas because I've already eaten all the ones I bought a few days ago." NOT, "Oh, man, I don't even let myself buy pizza...I totally enjoy it way too much." This supports my long-standing opinion that GIRLS ARE CRAZY AND GUYS ARE STUPID. period.
c.) Going HOME this weekend!
Also, my teacher mentioned that it's becoming more common for emergency room teams to include speech pathologists (if you are curious about what an SLP would do in an E.R., ask- I won't bore you with it on here). This is of huge interest to me- growing up, I always pictured myself being a doctor like my dad and his E.R. stories always seemed so fascinating to me. That dream died out when I found out I was allergic to chemistry and physics- and therefore med school- the strangest thing, really. So, I'm thrilled that I've found something I'm good at & passionate about that can be practiced in a hospital setting (nutshell: I'm interested in working with patients with brain injury) & even more stoked that there's a chance I could someday be a part of an E.R. team. This is the stuff, kids!
b.) I have a lot of work to do tonight on this pain-in-the-A project. So, I went to the store for some snackers! I realized something hilarious though, and I think this applies to most women. I have a few foods that I never let myself buy (let's use cereal as an example), not because they're bad for me- I'd be perfectly fine (thrilled, really) with having *a* bowl of cereal as a snack- but because I CANNOT have *a* bowl of cereal. I have to have 79. I can also just eat the entire box dry without even knowing I'm chewing. There are just some foods on which I cannot implement portion control...and therefore, I don't buy. Do we ever see guys doing this? NO. They're like, "Yeah, I need to go get some more frozen pizzas because I've already eaten all the ones I bought a few days ago." NOT, "Oh, man, I don't even let myself buy pizza...I totally enjoy it way too much." This supports my long-standing opinion that GIRLS ARE CRAZY AND GUYS ARE STUPID. period.
c.) Going HOME this weekend!
Saturday, October 3, 2009
rainy saturday
on lazy weekend days where i find myself snuggled in bed watching bad TV and eating way too many snacks, i'm perfectly happy. until i look at the clock and realize it's the middle of the afternoon and i have "things" to do. that's when the guilt sets in and i drag my ass out of my nest and half-heartedly start getting dressed...until i notice that it's raining outside and i dive back into my nest gleefully. what is it about rain that makes it okay to be a lazy bum? whatever it is, i hope it never quits working.
Monday, September 21, 2009
also...
Just made a coffee run, and experienced a couple noteworthy things:
1.) The Beatles' "I Feel Fine" was on in the coffee shop, and I found myself humming along. I laughed at myself & stopped so I could order. However, while doctoring my coffee, I started again without realizing until I noticed the girl next to me softly singing along. We both caught ourselves at the same time and shared a chuckle. Then, on my way out, I saw that most people in line & at tables were doing the same...it's wonderful how those 1.5 minute long Beatles songs can unify a coffee shop full of strangers. Feelin' fine, indeed.
2.) A little girl was "explaining" rap music to her mother. Her key points were that:
"-He (name of some rapper I didn't catch) went to college to study RAP. So, he wasn't doing rap on the streets and causing trouble, but he was using college things like spelling words to make his rap. So it's good music, kind of like homework.
-When you write rap music, you have to write all your feelings and it kind of sometimes has to rhyme, because then other people can remember it, but it doesn't have to rhyme all the way because it's your feelings."
Every now & then, I find myself slightly disenchanted with children. Then something like this happens and I smile.
1.) The Beatles' "I Feel Fine" was on in the coffee shop, and I found myself humming along. I laughed at myself & stopped so I could order. However, while doctoring my coffee, I started again without realizing until I noticed the girl next to me softly singing along. We both caught ourselves at the same time and shared a chuckle. Then, on my way out, I saw that most people in line & at tables were doing the same...it's wonderful how those 1.5 minute long Beatles songs can unify a coffee shop full of strangers. Feelin' fine, indeed.
2.) A little girl was "explaining" rap music to her mother. Her key points were that:
"-He (name of some rapper I didn't catch) went to college to study RAP. So, he wasn't doing rap on the streets and causing trouble, but he was using college things like spelling words to make his rap. So it's good music, kind of like homework.
-When you write rap music, you have to write all your feelings and it kind of sometimes has to rhyme, because then other people can remember it, but it doesn't have to rhyme all the way because it's your feelings."
Every now & then, I find myself slightly disenchanted with children. Then something like this happens and I smile.
Happy List Monday!
Gooooood morning! This semester, I have a class at 8:00 AM on Mondays. If you know me at all, you can imagine how I feel about this. In a one-word summary...SUCK. Now that that's out of the way & written down like a permanent whine, I'm going to try to be an adult about it and use it as practice for when I start real life next year and will have to finally do what I've avoided for 25 years so far- function (as in TREAT clients, not just have open eyes) before noon every weekday.
So, imagine my surprise when I walked outside from class to work 30 minutes ago with some ladyfriends (all astoundingly beautiful, btw) and felt fantastic! Yes, I could literally feel my pupils dilating, which was really painful, but it was because the weather in NYC is still on a completely gorgeous streak. I always forget how much I adore fall! So, in the spirit of a great-feeling start of the week, here's my current Happy List:
1.) Fall clothing! Boots, jackets, tights, cardigans. I feel like a second-grader, fresh from back-to-school shopping with my mom...but these days, I'm the one grinning over my new Mary Janes & textured tights (although I'm sure if I sent my mom a pic, she'd be pleased as well).
2.) Volleyball! Some friends from school & I signed up for intramural volleyball and I am freaking STOKED. Almost every year I think about doing this, no matter where I am- after all, there are stressed out, nostalgic former jocks looking to re-live high school glory days in every American city, right? Should be super fun...frustrating and embarrassing due to the whole "I seem to have misplaced my 24 inch verticle jump at some point over the last 7 years" thing, but hey. Fun, nonetheless.
3.) Continuing with the nostalgia theme- childhood smells! In 4th grade, my best friend and I used Outrageous shampoo & conditioner. Sold by Revlon, this stuff was the epitome of the '90s beauty product: it smelled out of CONTROL delicious (like the perfume I imagined my impossibly cool 16 year old neighbor wore out on dates with the star quaterback), had non-functional packaging (cylindrical + dome-topped bottles = slippery & non-conducive to storing upside down for ease of dispensing), and had the essential tacky theme colors of red, gold, and black. Anyway, I recently bought a hair styling product which smells exactly like Outrageous, and the smell (thankfully) lingers amazingly! I have literally been happier over the past 3 days simply because I keep getting whiffs of my mane. And yes, as SOON as I pinpointed the smell, I texted my friend who shared the obsession back in the day (actually, she got ME hooked- crack is whack, Susie).
Another old smell I've unintentionally come back into contact with is that of my favorite lip gloss from 8th grade (I remember vividly how devastated I was when it was discontinued) . In class this morning, I put it on some new lip balm I bought offhandedly over the weekend and was immediately transported back to junior high. In a good way, though- nothing traumatic, don't worry.
4.) Fall TV! Yeah, I tried the whole "I don't have a TV and it doesn't even affect me- I swear I'm happier without it" deal. Yeah, I really could get along without it, and was really surprised at how little I desired it...and then I didn't live with a significant other anymore and realized that I DO need a box to entertain me when I'm alone. Soooooo...yeah. Fall TV season premiere time rocks my face off. LOST, you know you're naughty for having such a lame-ass season premiere date. We've discussed your punishment.
5.) School! It's so nice to finally be done with prerequisite courses and not have ANY anatomy classes to keep track of. Getting into practical, technique-y stuff is FUN!
So that's where I am right now. Priorities:
-Keep a positive attitude: nobody likes a whiner, even if she has migraines.
-Live in the moment: I'm in New York City, single, have some extra cash, and no full-time job, for pete's sake!
-Get my creative juices flowing: decorating the apartment & finding new music is on the agenda- any help is welcome! Also, must sit down and color pictures for my neph- I promised him a dinosaur, a rainbow, and a portrait of him. 2/3 of those may be overly ambitious for me.
-School: duh.
-Friends: while fall TV certainly rocks, it does get too easy to hole up and forget about human interaction and the amazing friends & opportunities I have all around me.
So, imagine my surprise when I walked outside from class to work 30 minutes ago with some ladyfriends (all astoundingly beautiful, btw) and felt fantastic! Yes, I could literally feel my pupils dilating, which was really painful, but it was because the weather in NYC is still on a completely gorgeous streak. I always forget how much I adore fall! So, in the spirit of a great-feeling start of the week, here's my current Happy List:
1.) Fall clothing! Boots, jackets, tights, cardigans. I feel like a second-grader, fresh from back-to-school shopping with my mom...but these days, I'm the one grinning over my new Mary Janes & textured tights (although I'm sure if I sent my mom a pic, she'd be pleased as well).
2.) Volleyball! Some friends from school & I signed up for intramural volleyball and I am freaking STOKED. Almost every year I think about doing this, no matter where I am- after all, there are stressed out, nostalgic former jocks looking to re-live high school glory days in every American city, right? Should be super fun...frustrating and embarrassing due to the whole "I seem to have misplaced my 24 inch verticle jump at some point over the last 7 years" thing, but hey. Fun, nonetheless.
3.) Continuing with the nostalgia theme- childhood smells! In 4th grade, my best friend and I used Outrageous shampoo & conditioner. Sold by Revlon, this stuff was the epitome of the '90s beauty product: it smelled out of CONTROL delicious (like the perfume I imagined my impossibly cool 16 year old neighbor wore out on dates with the star quaterback), had non-functional packaging (cylindrical + dome-topped bottles = slippery & non-conducive to storing upside down for ease of dispensing), and had the essential tacky theme colors of red, gold, and black. Anyway, I recently bought a hair styling product which smells exactly like Outrageous, and the smell (thankfully) lingers amazingly! I have literally been happier over the past 3 days simply because I keep getting whiffs of my mane. And yes, as SOON as I pinpointed the smell, I texted my friend who shared the obsession back in the day (actually, she got ME hooked- crack is whack, Susie).
Another old smell I've unintentionally come back into contact with is that of my favorite lip gloss from 8th grade (I remember vividly how devastated I was when it was discontinued) . In class this morning, I put it on some new lip balm I bought offhandedly over the weekend and was immediately transported back to junior high. In a good way, though- nothing traumatic, don't worry.
4.) Fall TV! Yeah, I tried the whole "I don't have a TV and it doesn't even affect me- I swear I'm happier without it" deal. Yeah, I really could get along without it, and was really surprised at how little I desired it...and then I didn't live with a significant other anymore and realized that I DO need a box to entertain me when I'm alone. Soooooo...yeah. Fall TV season premiere time rocks my face off. LOST, you know you're naughty for having such a lame-ass season premiere date. We've discussed your punishment.
5.) School! It's so nice to finally be done with prerequisite courses and not have ANY anatomy classes to keep track of. Getting into practical, technique-y stuff is FUN!
So that's where I am right now. Priorities:
-Keep a positive attitude: nobody likes a whiner, even if she has migraines.
-Live in the moment: I'm in New York City, single, have some extra cash, and no full-time job, for pete's sake!
-Get my creative juices flowing: decorating the apartment & finding new music is on the agenda- any help is welcome! Also, must sit down and color pictures for my neph- I promised him a dinosaur, a rainbow, and a portrait of him. 2/3 of those may be overly ambitious for me.
-School: duh.
-Friends: while fall TV certainly rocks, it does get too easy to hole up and forget about human interaction and the amazing friends & opportunities I have all around me.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Hi there. Since I thought so few people actually read my blog and that those who do occasionally glance at it don't have strong feelings one way or another about it, I figured that my blog hiatus would go unnoticed, and therefore not require an apology. Interestingly (and flatteringly) enough, that was not the case. I've been reprimanded for my bloglect (yeah, that's a hybrid of "blog" and "neglect"- what?) by many people recently..."many" being approximately 4. So, please accept my deepest apologies for not doing my part in keeping you entertained & informed while you're bored. Let's just continue where we left off, shall we? Random observations, it is, then.
-I really don't like the repeated "bless you" situation. Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate being blessed after I sneeze and I usually offer a "bless you" (probably actually more like a "bleshu," but that's beside the point) when someone else sneezes. But here's the thing- I sneeze A LOT. So, I regularly have repeated sneezes and, without fail, someone insists on blessing every. single. one. of them. Dude. Bless the first one and accept that it's been noted that you're a sweetheart...but you will be crossed off my sweeheart list if you continue to say "bleshu" to me and look me in the eye, smiling. It's creepy and annoying and I'm not going to die...and even if I do, let's concede that I've been adequately blessed and I have a better chance of going to heaven because of you. Thanks. Now turn around and look at the teacher.
-It's eerie how often I'm typing or writing a word or a name and someone says it out loud in an unrelated conversation at the same time. What is that? I'm sure there's a word for that in at least one language.
-You know greeters in grocery stores? I think my new neighborhood has those on street corners. Except instead of sweet old ladies & gentlemen, they're drunk & scary & mad at me for being white. And I highly doubt they get paid for their service of mumbling about the gringa.
-I think there's a guy on Project Runway named Ampersand. And I love that.
-I think I'm really going to like my future job. And I love that, too.
That's all for now. Much love.
-I really don't like the repeated "bless you" situation. Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate being blessed after I sneeze and I usually offer a "bless you" (probably actually more like a "bleshu," but that's beside the point) when someone else sneezes. But here's the thing- I sneeze A LOT. So, I regularly have repeated sneezes and, without fail, someone insists on blessing every. single. one. of them. Dude. Bless the first one and accept that it's been noted that you're a sweetheart...but you will be crossed off my sweeheart list if you continue to say "bleshu" to me and look me in the eye, smiling. It's creepy and annoying and I'm not going to die...and even if I do, let's concede that I've been adequately blessed and I have a better chance of going to heaven because of you. Thanks. Now turn around and look at the teacher.
-It's eerie how often I'm typing or writing a word or a name and someone says it out loud in an unrelated conversation at the same time. What is that? I'm sure there's a word for that in at least one language.
-You know greeters in grocery stores? I think my new neighborhood has those on street corners. Except instead of sweet old ladies & gentlemen, they're drunk & scary & mad at me for being white. And I highly doubt they get paid for their service of mumbling about the gringa.
-I think there's a guy on Project Runway named Ampersand. And I love that.
-I think I'm really going to like my future job. And I love that, too.
That's all for now. Much love.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
My WTF for the week (scarily, on Monday):
As I strolled through the doors of my gym this evening, I was greeted by a man standing next to a display table, which is not unusual for my gym. There are often vendors who advertise in the lobby, for things like personal training sessions, blood drive info, healthy-lifestyle workshops, etc. This display table, though, was covered not in fliers or business cards, but CHEESE. Glorious, marvelous Babybel cheeses and little packets of crackers to go along with it. WTF?!
Now, don't you dare get me wrong: I do not have a problem with cheese. What does have a problem with cheese, however, is my booty, or "the genetic betrayal that is my legacy," as Janeane Garofalo so perfectly put it in Romy & Michele's High School Reunion. In fact, cheese is probably the main staple in my diet that makes it necessary for me to pay crazy NYC gym fees- it's my main snack food and without it I'm sure I'd have slightly less...er, junk in the trunk (but I'd be far crankier).
Anyway, I just thought it was pretty odd. Cheese and crackers at the entry/exit path of a concert? Yes. At a park? Sure! At a supermarket? A main perk of HyVee, which I miss way too much! But at a gym? Hmm...well, I guess they've got a member for life. Well-played, NYSC.
As I strolled through the doors of my gym this evening, I was greeted by a man standing next to a display table, which is not unusual for my gym. There are often vendors who advertise in the lobby, for things like personal training sessions, blood drive info, healthy-lifestyle workshops, etc. This display table, though, was covered not in fliers or business cards, but CHEESE. Glorious, marvelous Babybel cheeses and little packets of crackers to go along with it. WTF?!
Now, don't you dare get me wrong: I do not have a problem with cheese. What does have a problem with cheese, however, is my booty, or "the genetic betrayal that is my legacy," as Janeane Garofalo so perfectly put it in Romy & Michele's High School Reunion. In fact, cheese is probably the main staple in my diet that makes it necessary for me to pay crazy NYC gym fees- it's my main snack food and without it I'm sure I'd have slightly less...er, junk in the trunk (but I'd be far crankier).
Anyway, I just thought it was pretty odd. Cheese and crackers at the entry/exit path of a concert? Yes. At a park? Sure! At a supermarket? A main perk of HyVee, which I miss way too much! But at a gym? Hmm...well, I guess they've got a member for life. Well-played, NYSC.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
A story, a rant, and an observation
1.) So, here's a strange story. I was on the bus today, and I was deliriously sleepy & happy to be heading home. I was sitting there, staring straight ahead when my eyes came into focus on the hair of the woman sitting directly in front of me. She had very frizzy, fluffy, puffy hair...and for some reason, I reached out and touched it! My action registered with my brain while my hand was already in her hair, so I couldn't take it back. So, I pulled my hand away and immediately looked out the window, hoping nobody around me had noticed the total creep move I had just pulled. I thought I was cool until I felt a touch on the back of my neck (my coat collar)...then it went away. "Okay," I thought, "that's fair...maybe someone wanted to alert me about my nutty actions and show me how it felt." Then it happened again...and twice after that. I'm serious. Out of the corner of my eye, I managed to get a glimpse of the person behind me and I discovered it was a teeny, tiny old lady. This made me even more confused, because she was SO darn small that it had to have been taking her some effort to reach her hand up to touch me! Anyway, we both got off and I've just had to settle on the conclusion that she saw me touch the puffy hair, and maybe got the insatiable urge to touch my puffy collar as a result.
2.) I must preface this rant by saying that I know it's technically okay for people to smoke outside. I don't usually make annoyed faces and wave smoke away from my face as I'm walking by a smoker, but I have done it on occasion. Now let me tell you why.
I've come to the conclusion that, while it may be legal, it's still just plain rude for people to smoke in public areas. I know that may come off as uptight, but I absolutely HATE the smell of cigarette smoke! And I just cannot fathom why someone would voluntarily put that smell into the air surrounding them- I would be so embarrassed to do that. I can't really preach about the other downfalls of smoking (I drink so I am damaging my liver, etc.). But, I just can't stop thinking that smoking can be equated to letting a really rank fart out in public. That's the main reason that people don't do it, right? I mean, if farts didn't smell bad, it wouldn't be a huge deal for someone to let them out around others; I mean, the sound can be funny, but not horribly offensive. So, why are smokers okay with letting nasty clouds of smoke out where other people are trying to walk? I know I am not the only one whose hair can hold the smell of a single cloud of cigarette funk for hours. (The same goes for bad perfume wearers & perfume overloaders: get a nose. You give people headaches.)
3.) And, finally: my plea to the patron saint of bad falls...please don't let the ice get me. Since NYC started getting icy, I've seen at least 10 people in those walking boot-type ankle casts (not an exaggeration). That's just in the last 3 days! It would royally suck to have a sprained or broken ankle in this city...no temporary handicapped parking permits to help get you around...
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